Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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