omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
