Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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