i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
