I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you will always have a special place in my vag
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
