I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
