naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
