Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
