am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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