i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
