that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
