Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
