I can text with my tongue
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
