Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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