There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
