And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
