My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
