How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
