Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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