2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Non-Jews are for practice
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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