it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
