i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
