Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
