I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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