My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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