You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
