Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
