Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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