And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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