I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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