butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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