We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
