I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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