I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
