I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
