i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
