I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
