How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
