I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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