the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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