I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
