I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I can't turn off my feet"
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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