Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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