omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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