I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
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I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
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Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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