Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You left your phone here
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