No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
