I want to walk on stilts...naked
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
