you guys were way drunker than both of me
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
