Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
