Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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