You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
