Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
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It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
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The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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