I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
