im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
