I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
