I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
