I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
