You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
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I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
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We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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