i don't plan on having that self control this summer
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
