I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
