would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
