I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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