tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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