sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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