What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
