you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
