You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
