haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
