Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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