another moral hangover. fuck.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
