Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
you never un-have a 4some
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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